Miyako Matsumoto vs Chris Brookes: Genius Through Chaos

Satisfaction through agony. Credit: Gake No Fuchi

While most of the wrestling world’s attention was on the Tokyo Dome, or at the very least the NOAH show next door, there was a small group of around a hundred who were swimming against the current. For just a twenty-minute train ride away in Itabashi Green Hall, Miyako Matsumoto and Chris Brookes were taking part in a one-match card which was, well, a little bit different from what was going on in the echoey confines of the Dome.

For this was the land of Gake No Fuchi Joshi Pro, a land very much dictated by Matsumoto who, in her own words, planned on killing Chris Brookes. Her dastardly plan was being executed via a match-type of her invention: a falls count anywhere deathmatch (pretty standard so far) with mini-games. Ah, there was always going to be a twist. Alongside those mini-games came a scoring system, with wrestlers gaining a point for each victory in this bizarre world.

And to begin with, it was a world of comedy. For it very quickly became apparent that while Matsumoto might have the ambition to kill Brookes, she didn’t have the ability. After the singing of the national anthems (Matsumoto did have an advantage there as she sang the Gake No Fuchi anthem while Brookes didn’t know the words to ‘God Save The Queen’ and Drew Parker, who was in his corner, is Welsh) Chris booted Miyako in the head and took control. Even the mini-games saw her deranged plan backfire as sumo contests saw her out-muscled and the friends she’d roped into helping her, mainly Kuishinbo Kamen and Ohuchi Thunder Rider, proved to be a bit useless. Matsumoto looked like the spoilt kid who has grown up being allowed to win every game and had organised her first birthday party with school friends intent on showing off her talents. In her head, this was all meant to be easy, and she’d be wowing the world with her incredible skill, but sadly, the kids from school weren’t playing along.

And as this farce continued, Matsumoto got more frustrated. She ended up covered in ink when she lost at Hanetsuki, a traditional Japanese game that’s a bit like badminton, and had only managed to score one point. However, there was a twist coming, and it was a twist that saw the farce transform into its close friend horror. As Matsumoto’s anger grew, she began choking Brookes with a blanket only for the final mini-game to be called. It turned out that said contest involved a friendly game of darts, with the dartboard being Drew Parker’s back.

From there, this match entered a much darker world. Not long after, Miyako pulled out a knife, chasing Brookes around the ring as she became intent on carving him open. After that, we got an attempted hanging, NOAH flyers being stapled to poor Chris’s head and thumb tacks. Matsumoto didn’t quite seem to realise what she was doing, turning away in horror when she saw the tacks in Brookes’ back and preying for her own survival when she flew off a ladder, but the line had been crossed, and she was going to follow it through. Her yell of ‘blood’ when she bit open her victim’s head proving that perhaps the murder was back on the cards.

She was less impressed at this point. Credit: Gachi No Fuchi

In the end, though, these weapons would also backfire on her. When she attempted to drive bamboo skewers into Brookes’ head, he would take them off her and do the deed himself before following up with a sickening Praying Mantis Bomb for the three. Thanks to Golden Snitch rules, said pin fall earned Brookes 3,000 points and with it a victory of 3,007 to one (a one that only allowed Matsumoto to stay level with Kamen who picked up a point during the chaos).

However, despite losing, being left covered in blood/ink and having multiple skewers sticking out of her head (they were firmly in there and stayed poking into the air all through the post-match) Miyako Matsumoto seemed delighted with her afternoon. Brookes told her the match was fucking stupid and that she was the craziest person he’d ever met, but it all seemed to be taken as a compliment – a job well done, rather than a what the fuck were you thinking. As she again sang the Gake No Fuchi national anthem, looking like she was about to be overcome with tears (presumably from the pain) Matsumoto seemed to have achieved everything she wanted to achieve. Entirely what that was, I’m not sure, but buried underneath the chaos (and trust me when I say I’ve only touched on it) was something that had to have at least a tinge of genius. At least I’m assuming it did because if it didn’t, it was fucking lunacy.

Watch Gake No Fuchi Joshi Pro: https://www.ddtpro.com/universe/videos/7863

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