Wow, I watched a shitload of wrestling this weekend. If you’re not into the graps, then you might as well stay away from the site this week because I’m going to be writing about it all. From Kaiju Big Battel to Evolve. However, we’re going to start off with the big daddy and talk about ten thoughts I had during WrestleMania 33. If you haven’t figured it out, there are spoilers ahead.
Average, Average, Average
It’s the only way to sum up the pre-show. On the upside, Damo – who I’m going to have to get used to calling Dain – got a good run in the Battle Royale, and it hopefully means WWE are going to take him seriously. On the downside, the rest of these three matches passed by without making a dent on my thoughts. Neville vs. Aries was alright, but we all know how much better it could have been. Mojo Rawley and ‘The Gronk’, whoever that might be, can bugger off and if that’s how we say goodbye to Big Show, WWE can fuck off. Finally, can you name a single thing that happened during Ambrose Corbin? I’ll wait.
Fuck Off McMahon
I nearly turned off when Shane McMahon went all MMA on AJ Styles. There are people out there claiming this was a good match; they’re wrong. What it was, was the best wrestler in the world selling for yer da. Sure, he jumped off some things and managed to not break his neck, but that doesn’t excuse the disgrace that this was. I never want to see Shane McMahon in a ring again.
DELETE! DELETE! DELETE!
The Hardys returning to WWE was a fantastic moment. Those guys have reinvented themselves splendidly, and they are well deserving of a final run on the biggest stage. They seemed to have reverted to their Team Xtreme gimmick, but there were touches of their Broken stuff, so I’m hopeful that WWE is hitting the reset button on it rather than ditching it entirely. To be honest, it’s good either way and giving the hottest tag team in the world the belts makes perfect sense.
Raw Women Steal The Show
For the second year in a row, the best match on the show came from the women. Sasha, Charlotte, Bayley and Nia weren’t given as long as they should have been, but they maximised the time and told a good story with everyone coming out of the match looking strong. I still wish that this had been Bayley winning the title for the first time, but my love for her allows me to forgive this. It’s hugging time.
SmackDown Women Go Back In Time
An hour or so after the Raw women showed how far we’ve come the SmackDown women slipped back a few years. Playing the role of the buffer match, it was a multi-women clusterfuck that ultimately meant very little. The quality of the wrestlers involved lifted it above most of those showings but this still wasn’t good, and even Naomi’s well-told story didn’t do enough to make this anything but forgettable.
The Big Proposal
We all knew it was going to happen, but it was still fun. John Cena is a weirdo, and I can’t imagine ever getting along with Nikki Bella, but I couldn’t help enjoy their moment. Nikki looked genuinely choked up, and I hope the two of them are smart enough to keep at least some of this shit private. Congrats to them both.
I said in my WrestleMania predictions that Bray and Orton would be a decent match if they kept the hocus and the pocus out of. Well, they didn’t. What the fuck was going on there? This was stupid, and it made everyone involved look bad. Bray and the company for thinking it was a good idea and Orton for going along with it. I wasn’t particularly happy with the result of the match either. Wyatt deserves a run with the belt, and while I understand this was Orton’s reward for letting Lesnar kill him, it doesn’t make me any more excited for his latest run with the strap.
Old Man Hunter
How plodding was Triple H vs. Rollins? Everyone blamed Reigns for last year’s fiasco, but it’s looking more and more likely that Hunter just can’t go anymore. From his daft entrances to his slow and boring matches I think it might finally be time for the Cerebral Assassin to call it a day. The result was right, and it was nice to see Steph go through the table, but it didn’t make up for how utterly dull this match was for most of its running time.
There’s not much to say here. I am delighted to see JR back in WWE, and after the hell he’s gone through in the last few weeks, seeing him take his spot at the announce table produced a lump in my throat. There is an argument to be made that he’s not the commentator that he once was but that voice still means the world to many, and I loved having it on my TV.
The Undertaker’s Last Ride
The Deadman is a legend. He’s been at the top of the game for longer than some younger wrestlers have been alive and his career speaks for itself. But, he’s getting old. He looks like an old man, and he wrestles like one too. You can see the pain etched across his face and it hurts to watch it. It is time to stop, and all the signs suggest he’s finally taking the plunge. He did it in the right way too. People complaining about Reigns going over don’t get it. ‘Taker is a pro, and his legacy isn’t just his matches but the guys he put over on the way. Going out on your back is a tradition for a reason, and a man with the class of the Undertaker was never going to do it any other way.